Just now for instance, my mind kept telling me to listen to "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve. A beautiful song that I've never given much credit to. That's not what i'm here to discuss. The thing that i'm more concerned about is why it choose to make itself known to me now. I think it has to do with all the worrying i've been doing lately. Yes, I worry, quite a lot actually. I can hide it well, since i've done nothing but hide for years. It's quite a lovely talent. I'm looking at the lyrics for the song and after reading it over a few times I think I understand why I wanted to hear it. It's a song about life....life and how some people will be a slave to one road and one thing. Richard Ashcroft, the writer of this song, uses money as the one thing we concern ourselves with. "You're a slave to money then you die" Ouch..I may not be a slave to money, but I can't say i've never not been concerned with the cost of certain things, like college.
Then there's another line. "But i'm a million different people from one day to the next, I can't change". I think I relate most with this line. Jamie, J-moose, Jay, James, all different names i've been called for years, with the more prominent being Jamie and J-moose. It's hard to be one person. I try hard, more than people will ever know, to become someone likeable. I know when I worked at wal-mart I was this odd, rude, egotistical teenager who.....I can't even word it properly. How stupid is that? I can't even give an accurate description of myself. I still believe that to this day, Shelby wanted to slap me, more than she would have with Jared, and believe me she disliked Jared more than anyone. Then again, I could be completely wrong and just really paranoid.
When I arrived here at college, my biggest concern was, who should I be? There's tons of students here, some i'll never even meet, but for the ones I do, I still do not know who I will be to them. There are days when i'll be in a big group of people and I will have some random thought pop into my head, so i'll try to bring their conversation closer towards the thought in my head, just so I can say it. I feel odd when I do that. Jamie wants to keep his mouth shut, but J-moose wants to talk and never stop. My roommate is much more outgoing than I am, and he can meet new people no problem. That's a great quality in a lot of the people here, but it's not something in me. I can't do that. Going up to a crowd of people and saying "Hey" or getting involved in an ongoing conversation.
I feel energetic yet I know I have to sleep. I feel tired yet my mind says keep writing. It wants me to tell everything stored up in it since my last real blog, but I can't. I can't let people know everything..It would take away from the potential for future blogs.
Dirty enough I got me a love and it's so bad, it's so bad. Hello time bomb, ready to go off.
