Gotta love the Pixies. An awesome band if I do say so. I recently bought their second album "Doolittle". Unfortunately I haven't gotten around to listening to it yet, but the songs I have listened to are awesome. Monkey Gone to Heaven, for example is one of those songs that I find you'll either really like or really think WTF.
Anyways that's not why i'm here and writing again. I think i've finally gotten to the point where I can actually write something on here and not be worried if i'm going to think "Wow, what was the point in that? You just wrote because you felt like you had to do it, not because you wanted too". I opened up this page over 2 hours ago and I wrote that first little bit there as soon as I. The rest of this is being written at 12:30 am. No lie. I was listening to High and Dry by Radiohead, which I just heard for... well not the first time, but it's the first time I found out the name of the song and the artist. Anyways, it was just so soft that it made me wanna write on here. So here we go.
It's been a weird couple of months...no longer than that since i've actually had anything good to write here. Have I changed? Yeah, but we'll get to that shortly. I guess the biggest thing now is that i'm in college. Yeah I finally made it to post secondary education. I was shocked myself, so please take a moment to let that sink in. I'm sure i've posted this somewhere else down the line but what the hell, this is where i'll actually have some meaning behind it. I'm studying Radio, Film and Television broadcasting. Is it hard? Yeah, it's challenging. I'm not a very focused person so it makes it even harder when i'm trying to study. I enjoy the program but I keep feeling like it's what I want but it's not how I imagined I would be going about it. I I don't even know what I mean by that. I look around from time to time and I see people making new friends and having fun, yet i'm just not like them and I can't understand why I'm not trying to be more like them. Wait, scratch that, I hate trying to be like other people.
I guess the more I want to change the more i'm gonna stay the same. Still, I wouldn't have it any other way. The school is located down in Welland, so i'm staying in residence, which is...well lets put it this way, the walls need to become soundproof. Even brick is not good enough to block out the room next to mine. No not my roommate, but the guy on the other side of my room just got rockband and has people over all the time, and I can hear them pounding on the plastic drums. Not pleasant when i'm trying to sleep.
I get along fairly well with my roommate, Dan. He's a good guy. Sometimes I feel bad because my tendency to begin yelling at him for my own stupidity and quick to anger nature, makes me seem like i'm overly angry all the time, which i'm not...3/4 of the time. Yeah i'm still a little bit of anger bug but i'm trying. Then there are the times when i'm trying to be funny or say something smart and it just turns out to be another lame attempt on my part, which make me wonder if i'm trying too hard or if i'm just not cut out to try at all. I'm content with being in the background, it's a known fact. Dan has the ability to make friends easily, in fact whenever someone comes to our room they're looking for him. I don't think anyone has come to our room looking for me...ever. But I never give them a reason to, so again, I don't really care.
I've made some interesting friends at college, but again it's the same as I said above. I'm not the person they'll call on to hang out with or have a drink with. I'm not that person. Plus everyone I know is high 1/2 the time, and I'm not in to that at all. Not that there's anything wrong with it, i'm just not that kind of person. I've thought about doing it sure, but it's not that appealing to me, plus with my current health I can't take any chances that something could throw me off balanace again.
Current Health? Yeah i've got health problems. It's not that bad, but then again it is. In the month of May I had a seizure after working out. I had just finished running on my treadmill and had gone upstairs to my room and laid down on my bed and begun to play with my Nintendo DS. I guess after playing for a few moments I blacked out and dropped to the floor beside my bed, narrowly missing my night stand, and started to have a seizure. It was weird. I don't remember it much, but I came to as they were taking me to the hospital. I had to call in sick to work that morning and had my drivers license suspended.
I've gone for numerous tests since the incident and it was determined that I have abnormal brain waves, which means I could have been having seizures for years while sleeping and no one ever knew. I was offered medication but I declined because I thought if I took it I would be admitting I had a condition, which at the time I wasn't prepared to do. Flash forward to Christmas day. I was in sudbury at my grandparents house, sitting on the couch with my laptop and watching tv. Apparently I blacked out again and dropped to the floor once more, landing myseld in a sudbury hospital. I was discharged after 2 hours there. Not a pleasant way to spend Christmas day.
I was weaker than i've ever been the following few days. I hated it, and I hated my body. I went back to the Neurologist who I saw after the first seizure and ultimately told me I wouldn't be getting my license back for a while. I had to inform him that i'd had another seizure which led to him diagnosing me with Epilepsy. Yup, I'm epileptic. It's not as bad as it sounds. However my days of playing video games for hours on end have been cut back tremendously. That's for the good of my health though, as much as I hate to admit it. What's possibly the worst part is that i'm now in the process of getting to wear a medical alert bracelet again. Again? Yes, when I was 6 I was diagnosed with a severe allergy to latex, which is pretty much rubber. Yes, i've heard all the condom jokes already so please keep them to yourselves. When I was 16 we found out that I was misdiagnosed or had somehow outgrown the allergy, which was said to be impossible (Go me!). So I said bye bye to the bracelet i'd grown accustomed to wearing for 10 years. Now i've gotta start that again.
If you're wondering, yes i'm still single. I know, you'd think with me being in College i'd actually meet somebody and try to go on a date or two, but it's just not happening. Every girl in my program is either dating already, not interested in me (which I can just tell by the way they act, not because i've tried asking them out or anything), or just not appealing to me. No i'm not entirely shallow but come on, looks do play a part. Every girl in residence that i've seen thus far is just not appealing either. They're all party girls or rich girls who want only the guys that are attractive and can spoil them. In all honesty i'm not really interested in dating...at all. Yeah a relationships fun I guess, but it's not what i'm looking for. But it's not like i'm looking for a one night stand or anything. I'm just not interested in Women right now. Unless I meet some girl that is in my range and I become completely infatuated with her and I know she feels the same, than yeah I might go for it. Otherwise, i'm happy being alone on a friday and saturday night.
As depressing as that sounds, the invitation to go out and do shit doesn't come up often for me. Sure, I could call someone and ask if they're free, but the way I figure it, is if they haven't called me yet, they're busy doing other stuff or they're with their significant other. I think the only person, on wait make that 2 people, that I have back home that are not dating currently are Ryan and Jenae. I hung out with Ryan over the christmas break so i'm not gonna make him chill with me the weekend after I last saw him. And Jenae...well we spent last night having an argument over facebook which we both realized could have been done in person if we'd known we were both not doing anything.
Wow, i've written a lot.
Time for bed
J-moose
P.S
Here's radiohead with High and Dry, an amazing song which they haven't played live in over a decade because they've said "It's not bad...it's very bad". They hated it but their record lable made them but it on their 94' album "The Bends". This is a live version of the song but it's just as good as the record version. Enjoy
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