The Hard Goodbyes

I was reading Klla's latest blog and the last little bit she wrote caught my attention. It dealt with people leaving, and possibly this being the last time you see them. Its sucks to think about that kind of thing now, since my small group of friends won't be heading to university for a while, but this thought intrigues me. The more I think about how hard its gonna be to say goodbye, the more I wonder if its actually true that i'll rarely, if not never, talk to them again. Considering my experiences in the friendship field within the last year have led me to believe that most people at BT are backstabbing, moronic idiots. I mean I lost 3 people who I thought i'd at least be talking to until the end of highschool. Then again, one of them flat out told me she wouldn't be speaking to me when she leaves for university (that was about 2 years ago).

It's weird thinking that I might not talk to some of these people again. These are the people i've watched grow for the past 4 years. I mean you never realize how much you change but the more I look back on my highschool life, the more I see how different I used to be and how different a lot of people used to be. To say i'm smart would be a lie, and my grades reflect this quite a bit. It's one of the reasons i'm staying back another year of highschool. It's gonna be like starting all over again for me. From the first day of grade 9 I never once felt like I fit in. There were a few people that I called friends, but even with them I was the odd one out. In my mind I knew that one day i'd be completely alone again, just like elementary school. No, wait, i'm pretty sure Jenae, being a year younger than me, will still be at BT, so technically not alone, just devoid of people my age. Besides Jenae, I really don't have anyone. I was thinking about what i'm gonna do during my lunch hours next year and where i'll sit, since the table I usually sit at will probably be filled with miner niners and i'm not sitting anywhere near them. I would hate to sit somewhere I don't feel welcome and then have all these kids stare at me like "What does he think he's doing?". Although this won't be happening for a few more months, it's just something i've been pondering for the last few days, so I figured i'd share. You know what, i'm gonna write a new poem. Not gonna post it with those blog, but within the next few days I think i'll have something relating to this topic.

J-Moose