I Got As High As A Kite On Friday Night

It's kind of weird that i'm on this page right now, as I had no intention of writing here today, but something out of the ordinary is occuring right now, and I feel the need to write about it. I'm sure i've mentioned before, in at least one blog, about my friend Kristina, whom I hold very close to my heart, and her boyfriend Eric.

About 10 mintues ago, Eric started talking with me over msn, and of course I figured it would be just like any conversation with one of my friends. Surpisingly enough, he said that he had a question for me. Now, when I first read it I thought, maybe he was going to ask me something about Kristina, or how my ipod was working, since he helped me fix it a while back. This was different though. When I read his question, it kind of came as a bit of a suprise, since I never really thought i'd anyone would ask me this.This is the question he proposed to me:

"u act as u missed so much in life right, and u seem to like to protray this image that u r quite content and unhappy..or r u happy and just like to express what u think u should have done?"

Wow. When I read it, two things went through my mind. First, what provoked him to ask this question? I remembered that Kristina had said she'd shown him a few of my past blogs, back when I starting writing on here, but it seemed liked there had to be a driving force behind this. Secondly, how do I answer him? My mind came up with about a thousand different ways to respond to this question, and yet from all of those I couldn't seem to choose one. So i calmed myself a little bit and simply said this:

"it's hard to say. i mean, there are so many chances i wanted to take and so many things i've wanted to do, but i never made the motion to do so. it's not to say that i'm unhappy because i've always managed to find something else to try and do, but there's that questioning that occurs when i think about if i had decided to travel down a different path"

It's funny to think about that answer. Most days when I remember something from my past I will completely over-analyse the situation and try to figure out why I did what I did and what would have happened if I had done just one thing differently. To me, not knowing what could have been is one of the hardest things i'll have to live through.

After I responded Eric asked me another question, to which I feel I could have answered a bit better. He asked whats with me and no girlfriend. Ok, so I kind of didn't really have an answer for it, since I do want a girlfriend. So here's my real response, and believe me it's going to sound a little weird, but it's honestly what I believe. To me, having a girlfriend right now is something that is unlikely to happen for the following reasons.

1. I have yet to meet a girl interested in me as more than a friend. And it's not a bad thing, because being single is sometimes pretty fun.
2. Out of the women at BT and wal-mart 95% in each place are skanks/sluts. Sorry, i'm just not into that kind of thing.
3. I hurt the only girl I ever loved in a bad way. I prayed to God one night and asked him this. "If I can just be her friend again, it won't matter how long I have to wait. I ruined my true love and for that I will wait as long as I have to, to find someone new".

I know, it sounds kind of weird, but i'm not one to lie during my blogs, it's just not my style. So here's the deal kids. I'm not going to look for someone new, because I believe that I already have that someone in my life. No it's not my ex, but it's someone that I won't expect at all. I'm going to find someone that I probably would never think of as more than a friend, and when I do, I know that it'll be good, for me and her.

Until next time my fellow bloggers,
J-moose