Time To Pretend

These last few days have been increadibly boring. No wait, I mean since the night of the grad dance it's been boring around here. In fact I pretty much haven't talked to anybody since that point and time, although I have chatted with Kayleen quite frequently, up to the point where we decided to hang out for a few hours last friday. We ended up going to these two waterwalls which was pretty cool. I think we stayed at the second one for over an hour just talking which I rarely get to do with anyone. It's odd, i'm not increadibly close with her, but lately i've talked to her more than my best friends. Then again, Felicia and Giacomo were away for a little while, up in Tobermory with some of the other grads, something which they tried to keep a secret from me until one of the other people going sent me and e-mail by "accident" with a list of people going and parents driving them there. The moment I saw it I knew what it was about, and I kind of felt hurt that Felicia and Giacomo choose not to tell me. Yes, I understand that they didn't want me to feel left out/hurt since I wasn't invited, but really I was more hurt at the fact that they kept it a secret and probably would have told me only if i'd asked or called one of them when they weren't at home only to be informed that they were gone for the week with people that used to be my friends. I probably should have mentioned this before but the people who organized the trip were the people that I used to call friends. Another point as to why F&G wouldn't have wanted to inform me, seeing as how I can't stand these people in more than small doses. Take grad for example, Helena and Michelle decided that since it was the last oppurtunity to see me, they just had to have a picture with me. Naturally I dispise being in most photos, and tried to worm my way out of this one, but of course I gave in and did it. I expected it to be posted on facebook, but I haven't seen it yet, so i'm hoping that it never reaches the masses.

Why is it that when you want to tell people how you truly feel, the words just never seem to come out properly? Not just in dating, although this will end up on that topic, but in everything. For months i've wanted to go out and just yell whatevers on my mind at the top of my lungs, somewhere no one can hear me. No matter how much time there is in a day, i'll never find that place of silence, waiting to be broken by the intrusion of a teenagers lament. Everything just kind of seems to come to a halt in the summer. We all have one of those big pause buttons that we hit the moment summer begins, and until the last few days of freedom, that play button that we've kept hidden for two months begins to glow again. That's when it really dawns on everyone, that time is going to resume itself, even if we don't hit that play button, someone else will. As we get older that pause button begins to fade and those two month breaks become one month vacations, and even those slowly decrease until the point where it's non-stop action and no one realizes it. For years i've always sat out on the sidelines, never once offering to stand in for someone, only getting up to catch those who fall, then sitting back down as they resume their daily activities. Wow, I completely went off topic there. Where the heck did feelings bit go to? How the heck does this always manage to happen? I'll be talking about one thing, then 10 lines later I notice that i've gone off topic and onto something completely different. All thoughts aside, I will take this oppurtunity to wish my dear friend Kayleen a happy birthday. You have a beautiful soul, a big heart, and you are one of the most amazing girls i've ever met. Don't ever change.

J-moose