There Was A Guy..An Underwater Guy Who Controlled The Sea. Got Killed by 10 Million Pounds of Sludge From New York and New Jersey

Gotta love the Pixies. An awesome band if I do say so. I recently bought their second album "Doolittle". Unfortunately I haven't gotten around to listening to it yet, but the songs I have listened to are awesome. Monkey Gone to Heaven, for example is one of those songs that I find you'll either really like or really think WTF.

Anyways that's not why i'm here and writing again. I think i've finally gotten to the point where I can actually write something on here and not be worried if i'm going to think "Wow, what was the point in that? You just wrote because you felt like you had to do it, not because you wanted too". I opened up this page over 2 hours ago and I wrote that first little bit there as soon as I. The rest of this is being written at 12:30 am. No lie. I was listening to High and Dry by Radiohead, which I just heard for... well not the first time, but it's the first time I found out the name of the song and the artist. Anyways, it was just so soft that it made me wanna write on here. So here we go.


It's been a weird couple of months...no longer than that since i've actually had anything good to write here. Have I changed? Yeah, but we'll get to that shortly. I guess the biggest thing now is that i'm in college. Yeah I finally made it to post secondary education. I was shocked myself, so please take a moment to let that sink in. I'm sure i've posted this somewhere else down the line but what the hell, this is where i'll actually have some meaning behind it. I'm studying Radio, Film and Television broadcasting. Is it hard? Yeah, it's challenging. I'm not a very focused person so it makes it even harder when i'm trying to study. I enjoy the program but I keep feeling like it's what I want but it's not how I imagined I would be going about it. I I don't even know what I mean by that. I look around from time to time and I see people making new friends and having fun, yet i'm just not like them and I can't understand why I'm not trying to be more like them. Wait, scratch that, I hate trying to be like other people.

I guess the more I want to change the more i'm gonna stay the same. Still, I wouldn't have it any other way. The school is located down in Welland, so i'm staying in residence, which is...well lets put it this way, the walls need to become soundproof. Even brick is not good enough to block out the room next to mine. No not my roommate, but the guy on the other side of my room just got rockband and has people over all the time, and I can hear them pounding on the plastic drums. Not pleasant when i'm trying to sleep.

I get along fairly well with my roommate, Dan. He's a good guy. Sometimes I feel bad because my tendency to begin yelling at him for my own stupidity and quick to anger nature, makes me seem like i'm overly angry all the time, which i'm not...3/4 of the time. Yeah i'm still a little bit of anger bug but i'm trying. Then there are the times when i'm trying to be funny or say something smart and it just turns out to be another lame attempt on my part, which make me wonder if i'm trying too hard or if i'm just not cut out to try at all. I'm content with being in the background, it's a known fact. Dan has the ability to make friends easily, in fact whenever someone comes to our room they're looking for him. I don't think anyone has come to our room looking for me...ever. But I never give them a reason to, so again, I don't really care.

I've made some interesting friends at college, but again it's the same as I said above. I'm not the person they'll call on to hang out with or have a drink with. I'm not that person. Plus everyone I know is high 1/2 the time, and I'm not in to that at all. Not that there's anything wrong with it, i'm just not that kind of person. I've thought about doing it sure, but it's not that appealing to me, plus with my current health I can't take any chances that something could throw me off balanace again.

Current Health? Yeah i've got health problems. It's not that bad, but then again it is. In the month of May I had a seizure after working out. I had just finished running on my treadmill and had gone upstairs to my room and laid down on my bed and begun to play with my Nintendo DS. I guess after playing for a few moments I blacked out and dropped to the floor beside my bed, narrowly missing my night stand, and started to have a seizure. It was weird. I don't remember it much, but I came to as they were taking me to the hospital. I had to call in sick to work that morning and had my drivers license suspended.

I've gone for numerous tests since the incident and it was determined that I have abnormal brain waves, which means I could have been having seizures for years while sleeping and no one ever knew. I was offered medication but I declined because I thought if I took it I would be admitting I had a condition, which at the time I wasn't prepared to do. Flash forward to Christmas day. I was in sudbury at my grandparents house, sitting on the couch with my laptop and watching tv. Apparently I blacked out again and dropped to the floor once more, landing myseld in a sudbury hospital. I was discharged after 2 hours there. Not a pleasant way to spend Christmas day.

I was weaker than i've ever been the following few days. I hated it, and I hated my body. I went back to the Neurologist who I saw after the first seizure and ultimately told me I wouldn't be getting my license back for a while. I had to inform him that i'd had another seizure which led to him diagnosing me with Epilepsy. Yup, I'm epileptic. It's not as bad as it sounds. However my days of playing video games for hours on end have been cut back tremendously. That's for the good of my health though, as much as I hate to admit it. What's possibly the worst part is that i'm now in the process of getting to wear a medical alert bracelet again. Again? Yes, when I was 6 I was diagnosed with a severe allergy to latex, which is pretty much rubber. Yes, i've heard all the condom jokes already so please keep them to yourselves. When I was 16 we found out that I was misdiagnosed or had somehow outgrown the allergy, which was said to be impossible (Go me!). So I said bye bye to the bracelet i'd grown accustomed to wearing for 10 years. Now i've gotta start that again.

If you're wondering, yes i'm still single. I know, you'd think with me being in College i'd actually meet somebody and try to go on a date or two, but it's just not happening. Every girl in my program is either dating already, not interested in me (which I can just tell by the way they act, not because i've tried asking them out or anything), or just not appealing to me. No i'm not entirely shallow but come on, looks do play a part. Every girl in residence that i've seen thus far is just not appealing either. They're all party girls or rich girls who want only the guys that are attractive and can spoil them. In all honesty i'm not really interested in dating...at all. Yeah a relationships fun I guess, but it's not what i'm looking for. But it's not like i'm looking for a one night stand or anything. I'm just not interested in Women right now. Unless I meet some girl that is in my range and I become completely infatuated with her and I know she feels the same, than yeah I might go for it. Otherwise, i'm happy being alone on a friday and saturday night.

As depressing as that sounds, the invitation to go out and do shit doesn't come up often for me. Sure, I could call someone and ask if they're free, but the way I figure it, is if they haven't called me yet, they're busy doing other stuff or they're with their significant other. I think the only person, on wait make that 2 people, that I have back home that are not dating currently are Ryan and Jenae. I hung out with Ryan over the christmas break so i'm not gonna make him chill with me the weekend after I last saw him. And Jenae...well we spent last night having an argument over facebook which we both realized could have been done in person if we'd known we were both not doing anything.

Wow, i've written a lot.

Time for bed

J-moose

P.S

Here's radiohead with High and Dry, an amazing song which they haven't played live in over a decade because they've said "It's not bad...it's very bad". They hated it but their record lable made them but it on their 94' album "The Bends". This is a live version of the song but it's just as good as the record version. Enjoy

Writing Because I Felt I Had To

Hello blog world. Don't give me that look, I know it's been quite some time since I last had anything to say, so I apologize for not being here sooner. Nothing interesting seems to be happening to me anymore. It's gotten to the point where i'm not repeating the same day, but close enough so that tiny little things will change, and i'll take notice, thus making it different...if that makes any sense.

Anyways, i'm not too sure why I decided to come back on here, but something tells me i'm going to be here again in the upcoming weeks...not sure if that's good or bad.

J-moose

Reel College Ep 1

Vancouver

"On nights like tonight when no one's around,

I sit in the dark on my hands on the ground,

and I smile like the devil smiles, unseen but proud,

but truth be told I don't know who's at the helm,

just sit tight and i'll make my way to you"

Thank god Matthew Good released a new album. I'd probably be going insane if I didn't have his words to get me by.

Vancouver (the new album), is Good at his best. He's not doing that cheap alterna-country crap that was on his last album, he's finally back to rocking out hard with lyrics that inspire me to want to write again. The quote at the top of the page is from the song "On Nights Like Tonight". When I first heard it, I kind of felt like I was reliving a night like that. Memories flooded in of the times I walked up and down the streets of Ancaster, listening to my Ipod and knowing that one day it'll all be worth it, and to endure any inner turmoil that i'm going through. I try to smile as often as possible, but some days it's harder than others to make a sincere face.

I....don't have much else to say. My life has been quite dull since I left for school. Sure i've made two great friends in Dan And Jordan, but my mind constantly tells me that I can't always hang off them in my need to fit in. They've managed to make friends with the people in their labs, but I can't seem to do that. The people in my labs are just...idiots. Some of them are alright, like Russel and James, but there's others that i'd rather just not talk with. Not because their bad people, but I don't see myself being friends with them or talking to them outside of class. I constantly battle with myself whenever Dan has friends over to our room. I want to come out of my room and go talk with them and hang out, but I can't do it. To me, I see it as those are his people, and I don't wanna invade into their territory. I guess it can't be helped though, I was like this in high school as well. The only difference was I had Kristina there to talk with if things got too tough. I miss her more than I miss any one else from Ancaster.

I went into the walmart I used to work at on Saturday just to say hi to people and see how everyone was doing. It was good to see Paul and.....well it was good to see Paul. Taylor wasn't working until 4 so I missed seeing her. I did see Shelby though...I think it was more awkward than anything. I even saw Ryan, one of my supposed closer friends, and it didn't feel like he was to happy that I was there either. I mean we talked for a few minutes but he was leaving so he wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible, which is understandable, but still it was like, why are you here again? You don't work here, so we don't care what you're doing here, just do it and get out. After that I decided to go visit Omar over at Futureshop. He managed to leave walmart about 2 weeks after I did, and he was happy to do so. I think I talked to Omar longer than I did with anyone else. I think he's the only person from walmart who actually misses my presence, excluding Taylor and Paul.

I sound like I'm expecting people to jump for joy when I go in there, but that wasn't the intention. I guess I was just hoping I had made more of an impact on people there, but I guess not.

I'll say it again, I miss you Kristina Graham, some days more than others.

J-moose

Something I Stole From Matthew Good

The following is from www.matthewgood.org

This post intrigued me so i'm putting it on here since I know none of you have ever been to his site. Enjoy :)

A Boy And His Machine Gun

I know who you’re waiting for. No one’s coming though.

I haven’t a lot of time to write these days. With the release of the new record only days away, I’ve been doing a great deal of press and find myself too exhausted to ponder commenting on current events when I’ve free time. I commonly find myself sitting chairs, staring at nothing, trying to put all the pieces floating around in my head together regarding the upcoming tour – what songs to do, what not to do, how to go about it all in an impacting way.

I have well over 100 songs in my catalogue, which means that playing for 90 minutes, or even 120 minutes, is a significant challenge when it comes to deciding what to play. Obviously, performing 6 or 7 songs off the new record is a given, which leaves 7 to 9 others up in the air. You can’t please everyone, nor can I rehearse with a band for two weeks and get over, say, 80 songs down so that random numbers can be pulled out of thin air. It’s something that becomes more daunting every time I tour with a band – how to formulate the show.

On my way into town the other day I spent some time doing some homework. I listened to Beautiful Midnight from beginning to end. It’s hard to imagine that it came out ten years ago this month. It’s equally as hard to imagine that there was a time when I played most of those songs live. Were you to hand me a guitar and ask me to play A Boy And His Machine Gun or Failing The Rorschach Test the truth is that I couldn’t. I remember the melodies, but even the words have escaped me, not to mention the chord progressions. True, it wouldn’t be that difficult to quickly sit down and figure them out, but that just adds more fuel to the fire – what to play, what not to, what’s relevant, what isn’t.

The thing about being in a band is that the past is remembered, you retain the ability to pull out obscure songs from the past. When you’re a solo artist, and have a large catalogue of material, the process becomes far more difficult given the fact that even if those that play with you are brilliant musicians (which Stu, Blake, and Milos are), it’s simply impossible for us to work up that sort of live catalogue given that we live in different cities and the time that we have to prepare is limited. With the old band it was different. We had a rehearsal space, we could get together whenever we wanted. These days I have to fly to the other side of the country to do it. That would be why preparing for an acoustic tour is much easier and the songs that I’m able to perform are greater in number – because I can sit in my basement and do it.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I have a break in my schedule right now, so decided to sit down and write. I think I’m going to go lay down and think some more.

Ah thinking – the bane of my existence.