The Eyes Have It

You guys ever have those days when you feel like nothing is going your way? Well for me those days turned into a week, and that week has thankfully ended. It seemed like one tragic defeat after another. I got really bad on some assignments, and by bad I don't mean 60/70 I mean bad. On top of that, I just wasn't digging my appearance, I mean I know i'm never going to be buff or jock like, but last week just seemed to show off my gut more than usual. Lastly, I was supposed to go to a concert Saturday night, which I had been pumped for, for a while. And, low and behold, that didn't happen either, and now i'm stuck $120 in debt and two tickets sitting on my dresser with no place to go. Aside from that, I had this strange but interesting thought come into my brain on friday night. I was suprised that I thought about it when I did, mainly because I should have been occupied with the life stories of Rich Plante and Uncle Bobby, two guest speakers at my youth group. Not to say that I didn't take their stories to heart because they definitely had an effect on me, but this thought kept occupying my mind.

When you look at somone what is the first thing that runs through your mind? Usually, I wonder what is going through their mind. When I see their face, I can tell if somethings troubling them, or their happy and so fourth and so on. There's a whole list emotions that I can usually pick up on. For example, when I see Kristina's face I can see the joy that she's about to bring where ever she is. On friday night that kind of changed for me. I was listening to these two men talk about their lives without God and how when they finally found him it was the greatest moment in their lives. In detail I heard about their trials and tribulations from their childhood ranging to their early 40's. When your hear those kinds of stories, your mind immeadiately thinks back to all the moments in your life where you've made a bad choice or done something you've regretted for years. As I listened my eyes drifted up into our youth pastor, Jay's. For a quick second I was in direct line with his eyes, and thats when it hit me. What do people see when they look at me? And for that matter do I look the same to everyone or I am viewed differently by everyone that I know?

It was weird thinking about it, and for a while my mind just kind of drifted off questioning what people see when they look at me? When I got home that night, I looked at myself in my bathroom mirror and I didn't really see anything new. Same 6 foot 5 J-moose, with acne on his face. Still I wondered what others see. Fast forward to work the next day. I was a little bit of a rush to get my returns done and start cleaning my department, since it looked as if a bomb had gone off in it. I was speeding down the action alley towards the bikes when I passed fellow blogger and friend, Klla. Usually we don't have a chance to exchange pleasantries since she's rushing towards the front to get to a register and i'm usually running around with Barbies in my hand, but 9 times out of ten we usually exchange a smile, which is just as good as a hello in my books. Anyways, we passed by one another and managed to see into her eyes for a brief moment, and again my mind immeadiately thought about the image portrayed to her when she looks at me. It's weird to think about that, mainly because she doesn't see me as often as everyone else I know, and usually the only chance we get to talk is over msn. You don't have to tell me Klla, it doesn't really matter, it's just the thought that intrigues me. But again, what goes on in someone else's eyes? Look at school life for example, you've got over a thousand kids cramped into one building, and each one of them has their own view on what that school looks like, and what each student looks like. It's hard not to think about how people see me, since everyone at BT has seen my face on the morning announcements, but do I look like that guy with acne making his nose look bloodshot red and a 6 foor 5 misfit, or am I just a voice without a face?

Whatever the case may be, I know when I look into a mirror I see a boy desperate to find his place in life. God knows where i'm headed, but unfortunately me and God have yet to get to know one another, and it's truly unfortunate. Jay Brock told me he didn't find God till he was 17. I'm 18 and I haven't found God, but I know in his eyes, i'm constantly changing, and thus a true image can never be revealed. Maybe one day i'll be able to see what exactly changed, but for now i'll keep questioning.

J-moose

She's Looking For Some Courage. She Feels Faithless, She Feels Earthless

Now before we begin, i'd like to let you guys know that i'm having the worst week possible so far and i'm kind of losing faith in my intelligence.

Today I was sitting in my philosophy class and a song started playing in my head. A song about a girl (most songs are), but to me this song is more than that. It's not a love song, but a description of this girl and what she questions, the struggles she goes through. For me, it was the only thing that kept me from wanting to cry. I don't know why, but even as I write this, I find myself gradually slipping into despair. When I hear this song, a different set of lyrics play through my mind, and instead of a young girl it's about a boy. If this sounds anything like the song about the girl, I apologize Raine Maida.

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Every morning is a new day, a new fight, a new struggle, a new light. He wakes up to the same song, day after day, those same words etched into his brain. The mirror in his bedroom likes to play tricks on his mind, supplying false images of what he should be. Muscular ain't worth it, being a dreamer just don't cut it, those 5 minutes of shame when he sees himself, get harder everyday. He cries out to sky, expecting answers from above, but God won't listen, he's got to do this on his own.

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In his mind he's the epitomy of failiure, friendless, souless, selfless, and scared. But his minds a cruel tool, makes him believe what he really shouldn't. Everyday a new friend prayers for his happiness and hopes to God he knows it. Those lonely hours he spends walking the town searching for his purpose questioning life, love and what he can't understand.

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And hope is what he really needs. Some hope to help him breath. He's grasping for the surface...But the suface just ain't worth it, let me be gone, let me go.

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A reminder that I always write my best when I feel like crap. This is a key example of that.

J-moose

Body In a Box

There's a song on the new city and colour album that made me think long and hard about what happens when I die. On top of that there's a book i'm reading called "Tuesdays With Morrie" which briefly talked about the same thing. Most people in this world love recieving compliments, and I for one always love to get them. To me it's a real confidence booster and it just really makes my day. For example, I recently met this girl at my school named Amanda, and we've been corresponding over facebook. One of the first things she said to me was "Why are you so freaking nice?". To get a compliment like that just brightened up my day. She even told me that she's never seen me without a smile on my face, which just added onto my euphoria. I know, you guys aren't really seeing a point to my rambling yet, but i'm getting there.

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So in the song, Dallas Green speaks about death, which has always been a little weird for me to think about, since there's so much I want to do before I do. Now how do compliments relate to death you might ask, well think about it. At what time does someone get the most compliments ever said about them? A FUNERAL! I mean think about, for those of you who have been to a funeral i'm sure you've sat there (especially if you didn't know the person well) wondering what made this person so great, and why you should care about hearing their lifes story. But if you think about, isn't that whats going to happen at your funeral? All your surviving friends will be there, as will your family, and for an hour they get to reminise about the good times you shared with them.

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That's where it kicks in. Everyone, at one point or another is going to realize that all those nice things they've said about you, are never going to reach your ears. Doesn't that give off a depressing feeling? I mean think about, when are ever going to hear these great things people think about you ever again? Yeah, people will compliment you from time to time, but what they truly think about you can only be expressed when your gone for good. So here's my plan, well actually it's Morrie Schwartz's plan but none the less i'm using it. When I get older, and can feel my time slowly slipping away, i'm going to have all my friends/family over so they can properly say goodbye. This way, i'll go knowing how they truly feel instead of wondering in the eternal bliss of heaven, what they really think.

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J-moose

New Music Makes Me Happy

Most people know that I love my music. If I didn't have my ipod with me 24/7 i'd probably go insane. So when I found some new songs floating around I knew that i'd be doing a blog about them sooner or later. Oh and the best part about this, is that it's all canadian music. Thats right, all Canadian and it all kicks ass.

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1. Tokyo Police Club - In A Cave : So TPC is back, and they don't disappoint. It's a classic TPC song, the prominent bass line, with the catchy guitar and keyboard rifts that make me wonder why they're not more popular. The big downside with this is that its not their new single. Bands today have this thing they've dubbed "The Myspace Single" and this is unfortunately it. The first official single from their new album "Elephant Shell" is called "Tessellate" and its not coming out until April 21st. So until then this is going to be holding me over.

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2.Sam Roberts - Them Kids: When I first saw this song on the edge's website on the thursday 30 countdown I figured it to be a track of an EP he'd be releasing, but again I checked his myspace page, and much to my suprise it's actually the first single from the new album titled "Love At The End Of The World". Down to the nitty gritty. It's a little different than what I was expecting from Sam Roberts. The opening has this TPC kind of feel to it, but then it goes right into what I love about his music. The song has a little bit of a weird vibe to it, but it works for Sam and the band, so it's worth a listen. I'm probably gonna pick up the album when it comes out.

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3. Theory Of A Dead Man - So Happy: All you need to know, is that they're Nickelback clones. The song pretty much sounds like everything Nickelback has done, just a bit harder. Listen at your own discretion.

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4. Neverending White Lights - The World is Darker ft. Auf der Maur: I Love Daniel Victor for creating this band. Although my copy of "Blood And Life Eternal" got stolen and i'm not blaming anyone in particular "Cough" Klla"Cough". Kidding Klla. I managed to save the cd to my laptop so I could listen to it whenever. The song is very dark and gives off this gloomy kind of feel to it. The vocals in it kind of give the creeps, but its kind of expected with Auf Der Maur. For those of you who don't know who she is, I say forshame. Melissa Auf Der Maur was one of the many bass players that graced the amazingly awesome "Smashing Pumpkins". Although she was only around for one album, she still managed to add a little flair to the bass rifts so she's worth checking. Besides SP she also has a solo career going for her. Although I haven't really heard any of her solo work, I can assume from the vocals on NEWL's song, it should be worth a listen.

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5. Matthew Good Band - Giant: You can't expect me not to put something by MGB up, in my mind they are Gods. Although they're broken up, I still manage to find new faves on their albums. It's weird, i'll listen to an album a few times, and I'll really listen to the singles. After a while, i'll find some new stuff off it, and question why it didn't make it to radio. Giant is a great example of this. The opening with the cheerleaders yelling out how to spell "Kickass" mixed with the perfect timing of the drums entry and then the simplistic, yet increadible guitar opener, is exactly what MGB is about. Definitely worth a listen.

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That's all for now kids, but if you ever need some good music I post what i'm currently digging, up on the side there. Oh and if you want to listen to any of these tracks, just check out the bands myspace pages. Excluding MGB you should be able to listen to every song I wrote about.

J-moose

60 Things

Ok so this isn't technically a new blog, but i've wanted to do this for a while. Most of you have facebook so i'm sure you've seen your fair share of the "60 things you didn't know about so and so". Well if they can do it, so can I. And I promise I won't make it all self loathing like usual. :)

1.I am a picky eater.
2.I don't eat deli meat
3. I only eat one kind of vegatable..carrots.
4.No matter how many times you tell me that a cow can be made into many different foods all I want is a fucking hamburger. Please don't tell me a meatball tastes the same, because it does not and it will not.
5. I hate travelling. I prefer staying within the confines of Ancaster/Hamilton
6. My favourite food is ruffles all dressed chips.
7. I've gone into pizza pizza and just bought garlic dipping sauce
8. I talk to myself and really don't give a shit if anyone hears
9.I believe that one day i'll be out there making a difference in someones life
10. I have the most overcactive imagination in the world, although it really doesn't show.
11. I don't drink or do stupid shit like drugs
12. I can and will hold a grudge for as long as humanly possible.
13. I hate shaving
14. I've thought about running away almost once a month for the past 3 years.
15. I honestly and truly dispise my little sister.
16. To me the only sport ever worth playing is dodgeball because chucking a ball as hard as you can into someones stomach only to see them fall is worth the aftermath
17. I had a dream that the teenage mutant ninja turtles killed me.
18. I will critisize others because I still judge books by their covers
19. I think I can sing and try to almost every day
20. I own a fucking ipod touch. Be jealous
21. I own two guitars that I hardly play, yet I will constantly imagine myself as a rockstar
22. I absolutely positively cannont stand people who are cocky...wu-tang you annonying bastard
23. I, unlike most people, although I always say I hate it, love my job and plan to stay there until i'm done school
24. I waited 12 hours in line in front of walmart to buy a nintendo wii
25. I've figured out that if I want to be a kid again all I have to do is watch my favorite shows from my childhood.
26. I have this dream to go back in time and change my life to my liking.
27. I have this dream where I stop trying to change my past and focus on the future
28. To me, celebrity gossip really isn't all that glamorous compared to things you can hear in a highschool hallway.
29. I one day want to be a muchmusic vj
30. I've imagined dating almost every girl i've ever talked with.
31. I'll trust people who are willing to reveal something personal about themselves to me.
32. I wear my heart on my sleeve
33. I still play pokemon on my old gameboy.
34. I took guitar lessons for almost a year and a half a didn't improve one bit. I consider it an accomplishment
35. I play tenor sax
36. I want to backpack around the world one day just to see if it's possible.
37. Christopher "supertramp" McCandless is my hero because he's lived out my dream.
38. The dream he lived out is that he could go off and live in the wilderness without any human interaction. If you wanna learn more read or watch "Into The Wild"
39. I want to get a tatoo that says "hello timebomb"
40. I fear dying alone
41. I'm single
42. My favourite musician is Matthew Good
43. My favourite song is Suburbia by Matthew Good Band
44. I constantly dream of being a famous writer yet I don't take chances to let my work be seen
45. I was in love once
46. I write a blog unde the alias J-moose
47. No matter how many times people tell me they hate the name j-moose I will constantly refer to myself by it.
48. I sometimes get to anchor on my schools morning announcements
49. I onces ate 20 cadbury cream eggs in one sitting
50. I am in a constant state of paranoia
51. Some girl that I never met had a crush on me last year.
52. I once played the pharoah in joseph and the technacolour dream coat. If your wondering I had to sound like elvis and sing like him. I unfortunately can't do it anymore
53. There have been numerous speculations that me and my cousin Josh are the same person, he's just 3 years younger
54. My older cousin Scott is someone i've wanted to be like for years
55. I pretty much have all girl cousins and their all older than me. One of them is 18 and with child
56. I'm going back to highschool for another year
57. I still watch digimon. Every single season is on youtube. It's a fucking guilty pleasure
58. Gordon Downie is a poetic genisu in my mind
59. I'm a sucker for depressing music.
60. I should really be studying for my philosophy test.

J-moose