Stop!

Possibly my new favourite song.

Time To Pretend

These last few days have been increadibly boring. No wait, I mean since the night of the grad dance it's been boring around here. In fact I pretty much haven't talked to anybody since that point and time, although I have chatted with Kayleen quite frequently, up to the point where we decided to hang out for a few hours last friday. We ended up going to these two waterwalls which was pretty cool. I think we stayed at the second one for over an hour just talking which I rarely get to do with anyone. It's odd, i'm not increadibly close with her, but lately i've talked to her more than my best friends. Then again, Felicia and Giacomo were away for a little while, up in Tobermory with some of the other grads, something which they tried to keep a secret from me until one of the other people going sent me and e-mail by "accident" with a list of people going and parents driving them there. The moment I saw it I knew what it was about, and I kind of felt hurt that Felicia and Giacomo choose not to tell me. Yes, I understand that they didn't want me to feel left out/hurt since I wasn't invited, but really I was more hurt at the fact that they kept it a secret and probably would have told me only if i'd asked or called one of them when they weren't at home only to be informed that they were gone for the week with people that used to be my friends. I probably should have mentioned this before but the people who organized the trip were the people that I used to call friends. Another point as to why F&G wouldn't have wanted to inform me, seeing as how I can't stand these people in more than small doses. Take grad for example, Helena and Michelle decided that since it was the last oppurtunity to see me, they just had to have a picture with me. Naturally I dispise being in most photos, and tried to worm my way out of this one, but of course I gave in and did it. I expected it to be posted on facebook, but I haven't seen it yet, so i'm hoping that it never reaches the masses.

Why is it that when you want to tell people how you truly feel, the words just never seem to come out properly? Not just in dating, although this will end up on that topic, but in everything. For months i've wanted to go out and just yell whatevers on my mind at the top of my lungs, somewhere no one can hear me. No matter how much time there is in a day, i'll never find that place of silence, waiting to be broken by the intrusion of a teenagers lament. Everything just kind of seems to come to a halt in the summer. We all have one of those big pause buttons that we hit the moment summer begins, and until the last few days of freedom, that play button that we've kept hidden for two months begins to glow again. That's when it really dawns on everyone, that time is going to resume itself, even if we don't hit that play button, someone else will. As we get older that pause button begins to fade and those two month breaks become one month vacations, and even those slowly decrease until the point where it's non-stop action and no one realizes it. For years i've always sat out on the sidelines, never once offering to stand in for someone, only getting up to catch those who fall, then sitting back down as they resume their daily activities. Wow, I completely went off topic there. Where the heck did feelings bit go to? How the heck does this always manage to happen? I'll be talking about one thing, then 10 lines later I notice that i've gone off topic and onto something completely different. All thoughts aside, I will take this oppurtunity to wish my dear friend Kayleen a happy birthday. You have a beautiful soul, a big heart, and you are one of the most amazing girls i've ever met. Don't ever change.

J-moose

It's Like The Night Is Taking Sides

City and Colour - Sleeping Sickness

Ok so as many of you know, Dallas Green is very talented be it with Alexisonfire or with C&C but this music video makes me nauscious. Now don't get me wrong, the song is probably my favourite off the "Bring Me Your Love" album, but the vid had so much more potential. My biggest grief however is the non-existence of a man by the name of Gord Downey. Wait, I shouldn't say that, since he makes a brief, and I mean brief, appearance where his lips barely move and you can't be too sure if he's singing or sleep talking. Oh Gord Downey, I miss the days of "Bobcaygeon" and "Little Bones", please make another Tragically Hip album soon.

Hold Me In Your Arms

Hold Me In Your Arms

When we first began I made you a promise, one that i'll always keep. I said that I would hold you, even when your not there. My arms would always find you, and show you how I care. You told me I was crazy, but to me it's all the same. I'll still hold you, even if your not game. Days will pass and nights will fall, and when your all alone, my arms will be your guiding lights, to lead you right back home. Each day is something different, and I know to treat it with care. My one goal each day is to show you, just how much I care. If you cannot believe this, then you don't deserve to see, my arms are always open, but you clearly will never see. I say this because I love you, and to show much I care, I want you to feel special even when i'm not there. People always tell me that no one ever cares. No one ever listens and takes the time to say "i'm here to always help, I will never turn away". To turn away is not my path, i'm here to stay. I will always hold you, with each passing day.

J-moose

Everybody's Changing And I Don't Feel The Same

So I might fail grade 12. Yeah, i'm ashamed, and truthfully i've cried a fair few times about it now. I'm sure most of you know why I might fail, but for those not at my school i'll enlighten you. I failed grade 12 music. How? Well for startersI put no effort into the course and did none of the assignments and ultimately it came back to bite me in the ass. So with my last exam being written this past morning, I need to pass it to graduate. My teacher told me I would, but honestly I pretty much BS'd the entire thing so I wouldn't be suprised if I fail.

Update: I graduated.....but i shouldn't have. I didn't deserve to.

So tonight was our prom/grad dinner dance. As most people know, i'm not big on dances, and really this one was no different than any other one. Let me lay down the night for you. So I went to my friend Natasha's house for pictures and such before the dance. Her and my friend Sonja looked very beautiful, so me showing up with two girls was already looking like a positive side to the night. Natasha's uncle drove us in his vintage 78 impala, which was pretty sweet with the wind blowing in my face. Now when we got there of course people were already doing the photo thing. One, I do not like photo's, and two I hate every photo that i'm in because I look bad in them. For the sake of tonight I tried to ease up a bit, but people just don't let up with those camera's and I really didn't want to be in more than what was necessary. Now most people can be polite and eat what's put in front of them, but again i'm a picky eater and by picky I mean i eat perservatives and nothing but, so I pretty much ate bread and desert the whole night.

When I first got there they announced that there was someone taking requests for songs so naturally I was drawn to said person and of course requested two songs. One, apparitions by Matthew Good Band, and two, Disarm by Smashing Pumpkins. Now both of these are acoustic songs and personally I don't think it would have been a big deal to play them. What do you think we ended up with? The same shit that they play at every dance. The most popular rap, pop, hip hop and techno music, which is code for crap. I mean yeah, there's the odd rap song that is good, like anything from classified or kanye west, although he is a little whiner. Plus having to suffer through that " I kissed a girl song" was increadibly painful. So where do you think I ended up? At my table sitting there pondering why I even bothered to come and why people made such a big deal over this night.

The part that really ticked me off was that despite having so much repsect for their students the teachers still had to be the ones that make you feel bad. Naturally my eyes wandered around the dance floor and to the tables, where I happened to notice my english teacher and one other teacher staring at me. The teacher I didn't know gave me a little wave before pointing at me and turned to my english teacher, most likely asking, who is that and why is he sitting there by himself. Imagine how that's supposed to make you feel. I went through that with students for a long time and now teachers have the nerve to do it? What is wrong with people? Let's get one thing straight, I may not be the most outgoing person in the world, I may not be the most enthusiastic when it comes to school, but i'm a damn nice person. If I make fun of someone, I almost immeadiately say that i'm kidding and apologize, because I hate offending someone. For a teacher to have the nerve to do that just really pisses me off.

All in all, I can't say I didn't expect this to happen. I'm not outgoing so I wouldn't go up on the dance floor and not care if I looked like a moron, and I didn't ask anyone to come as my date so really it was kind of expected. Then again, effort is required to make anything happen, so this is also my fault for not trying. Ah well, at least I get another chance next year..

J-moose