The Truth Behind Blue Eyes

I'm writing this as a continuation of the blog I posted last night.

Why do we cry? There's something tugging at my heart strings right now, thats making my eyes tear up, and I don't know why. To be honest, I actually do cry from time to time, mainly because it keeps me sane. Usually when I feel down I just sit in my room and I cry. It used to be that when we're kids we cry because we see something sad in a movie, we cut our knee, or we did something bad and we were being reprimanded for it. Now, as we grow older, we cry because we realize that the stupid things we did as kids prepared us for the stupid things we'll do as teenagers, and the stupid things we'll do as adults. There it goes, the first tear has left my eye and dripped down onto the keyboard, yet it feels weird. I'm happy, but i'm sad. I'm warm, yet cold. This feeling is something strange to me, something that i've never experienced. Maybe it's because i've finally come full circle and let go of my old life, maybe its because I don't want to accept my new life, or maybe its because I just want to find a new life with a new identity, and start the rat race all over again.

The third tear. It's kind of tickling my face as it streaks down, but i'm not going to wipe it away. Its officially sunday, so good morning to anyone who will read this. If your just joining me, i'm writing about how I feel.

Somedays I wonder what life for everyone around me would be like if I died at my current age. I'm sure i'd be missed, but something tells me that I there would only be a few people who would truly be able to say I affected them in some way. Only a few people would miss me. I know its a terrible way to think, but from my perspective its the only way. I have 3 people that I know i can call best friends, and out of those 3 I feel there is only one that I can be truly open with if i really wanted to be. I'm tearing up again. My literary studies teacher always tells us that he doesn't have a lot of friends and with the ones that he does have, he categorizes them from A-C. The A list, is comprised of his closest companions, the ones he'll see more the most. The B list is comprised of those he sees only when the mood strikes him or if something comes up that he knows a B lister will enjoy he calls them up. The C list is comprised of everyone he prefers not to fraternize with, mainly because he doesn't want to become better friends with them. I found this to be a unique way of thinking and tried this list with my own set of friends, with a few exceptions. My A list is comprised of people whom I trust above all others and possibly people I will see outside of school. My B list will include those could one day become a listers, but to be truthful there's only of them i'd consider for A list friend. This is because she's a good person with a great personality, I just have to talk to her a bit more and accept her invitation to come to her youth group. Finally my C list would be composed of everyone else, work friends, and people I see on one time occasions. So here it is, and this time i'm actually going to say the names and not use that Mr. or Mrs. crap. I'm actually going to say the names.

A: Giacomo, Felicia, Kristina.

Borderline A/B: Jenae

B: Meghan Sarah, Helena, Flaviu, Michelle, Kyle, Erik, Natasha, Katherine, Ryan.

C: Work People, Tyler, Nick.

So there it is. I can't believe i'm actually posting this for people to see, but I know that it'll make me feel a lot better once people read it. I know only a few people have checked this page out, so really i'm not too worried about offending anyone. Actually, at least one person from each list reads this page, so i'm kind of intrigued to get a reaction. I think thats all I have for now, so i'm gonna head to bed. Later


J-Moose